On the inside looking out

On the inside looking, oh, where do I begin? I feel like Iโ€™ve lost all sense of who I am on the outside because itโ€™s starting to match what I feel like on the inside. My insecurities are piling up. My mind is full all the time and my body feels so damn heavy. And…

Depression Season….

THIS ONE'S FOR MY CHIARI WARRIORS AND MY DEPRESSION FIGHTERS ๐Ÿ’œ I know it has been awhile since I have posted a blog... and I anticipate more sporadic posting until I can find a way to be more consistent. With the climate of the world, how heavy it is, what is happening every single day....…

HTLABW: The Re-introduction

Hello All! I know that I have spent a significant amount of time away from you all. And your support from the very beginning to still being here now is incredibly unwavering and so amazing. I have been spending time getting to know the new me. Who is this new Nia Renee? I have been…

Iโ€™m so fucking desperate…

It appears that Iโ€™m so fucking desperate for love that my mistakes continuously catch up to me because I accept any kind of love. I mean historically I have chosen the bad guy after the bad guy after the bad guy. And that is because I have abandonment issues. And my abandonment issues stem from…

The blood stains on my pillow case

The blood stain on my pillow case remains. October 2, 2019 was when it all began. And I didn't realize the severity of it until I saw the blood stain on my pillow case. It all became real when I saw the scar on the back of my head for the first time and the…

The sexy skin I am in…

Photo by: Alisha Light; Instagram: @alightp This sexy skin I am in. It's the skin that I feel has been taken away from me. It has been abused. It has been taken for granted. Even in the photo above, I was in excruciating pain. I can remember the times I would go and "be sexy".…

In sickness and in health

I know we weren't married. But that's what we were working for. And if you couldn't handle in sickness and in health as a boyfriend. How could you handle it as a husband? I was in sickness when we met. Although, at the time we didn't know what it was. It was a bunch of…

Iโ€™m so sorry..

I am so sorry.. I hurt you I ignored the red flags I ignored the signs I didn't listen I allowed others to get in my head I allowed the thoughts and views of others including him to tell you on a continuous basis that I was living in my past and that my abuse…

I am feeling sorry for myself..

I am feeling sorry for the woman who sat around and allowed a lot of behaviors into my life that I knew weren't right for me. I am feeling sorry for the woman who sat around and allowed the medical industry who took advantage of my ignorance for so very long. But I am no…

IF it wasn’t dramatic, it DIDN’T happen..

IF it wasn't dramatic, it DIDN'T happen.. How many times have we heard that? How many times in our lives have we heard someone say that to us? Having our feeling minimized because it is not a simple answer or because it/was something that another person isn't has never experienced. So we get called dramatic…