….. You’ve seen to have gone mad.
it is currently 1040 pm on a Sunday night and all I can seem to do is feel frustration. I am simply frustrated at my circumstance.
My health has been a declining problem for a few years now and about a week and a half ago I received surgery in which I knew was going to be quite stressful, difficult and more than frustrating. I am uncomfortable. I remain in pain. And I have been trying to find remedies that have been effective and some have not been.
Depressed.
Yeah.. depression seems to be a thing that lurks around the corner and watches you. But being bed ridden for the last 12 days, has been pretty brutal. I need to get out and about and stretch my mind and my body. However, I remain in pain and in a cloud of exhaustion that does not seem to rid my body. I am not writing this in complaint, but I am simply writing this in hopes to release some frustration in a constructive way. I simply just want my life back. I want freedom in every sense of the word. I need FREEDOM.
I want to be free from all physical, emotional, mental, and psychological pain. I need it.
I battle with me, every day. Whether the battle takes place externally or internally. It is a constant battle and today, today it is making me… mad.
Not mad… not the definition of mad, not the emotion. But mad, where I feel like I am losing my mind. I feel like I am simply losing a battle with my mind as seconds go on today. And as that arises here comes,
Anxiety
Anxiety… What are you? You’re not a friend you are not a foe, you are always around. There, lurking around the corner with depression waiting for the right moment to poke your head. It is a winning battle, I have control over my depression and anxiety when I am able to handle them in healthy manners. So tonight I feel defeated. Not in weakness, but in pure exhaustion. I am simply tired and with being tired I have seem to let my guard down. And now I am laying next to depression and anxiety. We are spooning each other in a cradle of madness. But I will not let it win.
I will not let it keep me in a permanent state of madness, but tonight, I will let it be known that I accept and I acknowledge the fact that I am indeed….. mad and exhausted.Â
I live to fight another day. See you tomorrow.
Love,
A battered woman…
