I wish I could say that on this journey that every day I am a beacon of bright light and positivity. But… if I’m being authentic and real… yeah, Issa no. I’m not. And today is one of those days that is particularly hard. I am currently in my trigger months and I have been doing great so far. But this has been rough to say the least. In the last week it has been difficult.
I’ve finished recovery from my surgery and healing with other health issues and it feels as if it’s just going to fast train right to the next one. Four years ago I endured some significant trauma that was equivalent to a car accident. I have a severely misaligned spine and a misaligned C3 in my neck. And some days it’s difficult to even turn my neck. All of these things that I’m still dealing with four years later, after being used as a human rag doll.
Like I said… I wish this journey came with nothing but positivity, but I wouldn’t be human without a few bad days. Plus, cut the crap. Not everyone has 100% good days. So my PTSD is currently kicking my ass with some symptoms of depression kicking in. I wanted to do nothing but dance, but I couldn’t because my neck hurts so bad it caused me to get a headache so crucial I almost passed out, in the middle of class. This shit genuinely sucks.
I’m trying to keep pushing forward, and I am. Dwelling on the past isn’t necessarily all that healthy, but, here I am dwelling because I am utterly pissed off. I just want to wake up from this nightmare on ex street. But I simply haven’t found the right scene to wake up from. And so this one is frustrating when it effects your day to day life again… and it’s just annoying. I’m annoyed. I’m fucking annoyed.
So when will I ever wake up from this nightmare?
I don’t know, stay tuned on How to love a battered woman, because tonight my bruises are showing… for the world to see.
