Two years ago I had to get surgery on my nose because I had a u shaped septum that was supposed to be in a straight line. All because of my ex who was upset over me taking back my iPhone 5s that I bought and had in my name. All of this stems back to a selfish moment. But, now that I have an all brand new septum that has been replaced and renewed, I am back in excruciating life changing pain.
One part has been replaced and now I must replace another part from this abusive past. I have been living in excruciating pain for over a year. I was in the ER last year because I couldn’t move or breathe because of a two day stent of headaches in the back of my head that wouldn’t go away. I went to a chiropractor whom then took X-rays of my back and my neck and told me that I have a misaligned C3 and I also have degeneration occurring in the base of my neck. The trauma that I endured was equivalent to a car accident.
I have seen several chiropractors and the problem is only a temporary fix of being adjusted. And that doesn’t stop or solve the headaches for longer than a few hours. So I am now having to see an orthopedic surgeon. And due to that I am scared and angry and very much in emotional pain. I feel like once one part of me is done being replaced we are on to a new one. A lot of it is health related in ways that are not due to the domestic violence I endured. But, at the same time having to deal with the emotional and abusive past of mine is a non stop train. This is a forever thing I have been signed up for. And I am more than willing to take that challenge. But that does not mean it doesn’t hurt. Because it hurts like hell and honestly I want to cry so hard and so much.
I just feel like an old, abused, beat up car that has been auctioned off and now is struggling to get each damaged part replaced. For now I am sad again. But it won’t be long. Because I need to get this taken care of in order to keep me on this of healing and self love.
But for now… I remain, a Battered Woman. 💜
