Something I’ve had to teach myself. Being alone this time around, I am so happy. I am trying to find me and making me happy. It’s important, the work you do in your off season. It’s just as important if not even more important than what you do in season.
I use this sports reference because it’s true. I remember one summer, I decided to play basketball every single day. Basketball season wasn’t for about 7 months. And volleyball season was the closest. But I decided to play basketball every single day. Work on my ball handling skills. I worked on one hand dribbling, non dominant hand dribbling. I ran sprints. I only played basketball with the boys because it made me more aggressive and dominant when I played against women. I worked so hard, I focused so hard on what I needed to do to be better.
And now, I am applying this to my every day life post relationship with a narcissist. I have to go back to the basics. I have to go back to the very beginning. I have to go back to it all and recondition myself during my off season. During my season of being single and not mingling. Right now the biggest thing I am focusing on is SELF LOVE 💕 and LOTS OF SELF CARE 💞. At first, I can admit that being single again was really really hard. That incredibly aching feeling of loneliness that was sleeping through my bones got ahold of me. And I began to cling to the idea again (unhealthily) to rushing into another relationship. To rushing into something with someone when I feel in my body that it’s not genuine.
And to be quite honest, it took my dad looking me in face and telling me how he cannot take me being in yet another abusive relationship. He can’t take number 3. Number 1 and number 2 almost killed him. And to see my dad hurting like that because of the people I’ve allowed in my life, I had to take a huge step back and open my eyes and realize that the only way I am going to attract the man I desire is to be my best self. And in order to do that. Is to do the work during off season.
I have to focus on myself. That includes 100% focus on myself. Having only friends, nothing romantic, allowing myself time to get to know people on a friendship level. No sex of any kind with anyone. I have to address my emotional demons which is why I am in therapy and now am pursuing EMDR psychotherapy to address my PTSD (or PTSI as I like to call it). If you don’t know what EMDR is, select the link below and you can read all about it. It will be at the bottom of this post.
My only focus right now is doing what it takes to make and keep me happy without depending on anything or anyone else to do it. It’s time to address my emotional issues and constructively handling them that way when it’s time for in season again, I am conditioned and in Shape with practice and ready to love me so that I can be at my full emotional capacity to recognize what is unhealthy in a relationship and what is healthy. My only focus is to ensure that I can see the red flags and not continuously feel as if I need to settle in order to get what I deserve.
After all, it’s how to love a Battered Woman. And I’m still learning how to love the Battered pieces of me. I am still learning on how to love me. So that I can realize when a man is trying to Love the Battered me, or further damage it. 💜🙏🏽
EMDR LINK: https://www.emdr.com/what-is-emdr/