When do you decide to let go?

When you are near extreme heart break and you can’t take anymore?

Is it when you choose to stay in the moment of feeling completely lost and devastated?

When did you decide to let go?

When you looked me in my face and told me that I wasn’t worth it to you, was that then?

When did you decide that I wasn’t good enough for you? Was it when I was in your stomach growing? And then once you realized that I was a sick baby that I was no longer good enough for you?

I was born 2.5 months early and your story to the world is that because I was in an incubator for 26 days that we didn’t have the opportunity to bond. So that was your excuse to make the decision to let me go.

It does not matter the scenarios that I make up in my head of when you decided that I wasn’t good enough for you but I have felt that my whole entire life.

Me being born 2.5 months early gave me no shot at a normal life. I don’t know who is to blame for that because most days I spend my time angry at this imaginary person in the sky that would do this to anyone.

I was born with a rare brain disorder that has made me a person that I was never destined to be. I wasn’t given a fair shot. And part of me truly believes that you knew that and that is why you decided that it was enough for you to walk away from me.

You made fun of me my whole entire childhood for being clumsy and hurting myself. You were angry every single time that I tripped because I was being too “ditzy”. You made fun of me and the entire time I was struggling with an internal life changing brain disorder and you didn’t care enough about me to realize that I was hurting inside.

And when she left you chose to take her place as my “real mom”.

So when was it enough for you to decide it was enough?

When did you decide to let go?

Was it when you realized that you would rather I die so you could get a chance to live? Or was it because you saw me dying and didn’t care?

Either way you two are both interchangeable. You are the the same person. You are the each other in an opposite life.

These questions are for you both. The both of you who chose to see me and decided that you didn’t want to deal with it. So you chose to let go.

Your loss.

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