You need to smile more

“You need to smile more you’re a live you should be happy about that”.

But what if I am not?

What if I am not happy that I have to live with the fact that I had brain surgery and this brain condition called Chiari Malformation changed my life?

What if I am not happy because I am sick all of the time and I am trying to find little bits of happiness from a life I no longer live with ease?

It was taken for granted. My life before. Not by me, but by other people. My life was taken for granted by the people who were supposed to love me and protect me. It was taken for granted and while I was trying to learn to smile after living through series of abusive events I began to learn about my physical illness.

Why are you telling me that I need to smile more? Do not belittle me.

Maybe I don’t smile because it physically hurts to laugh and smile. It literally hurts to move my face because of the overwhelming pain my brain is causing me.

I don’t smile often because I am minding my business BUT ALSO BECAUSE IT HURTS.

When I move my face I feel the pressure in my ears building and it causes me to feel like my head is floating off of my body.

The generalizations that we expect people to hold is something we should stop doing because it is condescension, belittlement, and accusatory.

“You need to smile more”.

You have no idea what a person is going through. The news they just received. The way their body feels when the one thing that makes them the happiest (laughing) causes them the most pain.

Please stop inserting your views of what a person should be like and realize that everyone is not the same. That everyone is not the same. That some of us are fighting a lot harder than we appear.

So when you tell me I need to smile more. It just makes me want to cry more. It hurts me. It makes me feel like I am smaller and not seen or heard. Or that someone simply does not want to understand what I have been through and what I am physically experiencing every single day.

So please. Stop telling strangers they need to smile more.

And respectfully but disrespectfully……MIND YOUR BUSINESS.